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How to talk to parents (in laws!) about planning for old age?

My 32 year old brother in law lives with his divorced mother. She pays for everything – the mortgage, utilities, his car and auto insurance, his food. What money he does make from his occasional temp jobs he uses to travel and for his social life.

My mother is solidly middle class, which will probably mean that she will need some kind of financial assistance when she gets older. And who do you think that will come from? My husband and I of course.

I love her and would never let her get into a position where she has to choose between medicine and food, or any other desperate situation. But how do my husband and I get her to stop supporting a grown man and make her priority her own future?

Please don't read this as someone who is obsessed with money – I just worry about supporting my own children with the added burden of supporting an elderly parent (having my own father die from a horrible disease, I see how expensive it can be).

Is anyone else facing a similar situa

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3 comments

  1. SAHM/Part Time Tutor says:

    What you are feeling is normal. I think about those types of things too. So does my husband.

  2. chulita says:

    Oh my gosh, are you living my life????? Same thing except son is 52, and lives with both in-laws. They are on a fixed income, 2 other family members besides us send money on a monthly basis. What bothers me is, is she paying HIS child support with this extra money? I wouldn’t be surprised. My hubby and I have talked about this a lot. His brother is going to be up a creek without a paddle when mom passes away. She worries about him constantly, but has done this for him all his life. He has never worked a job that has withdrawn social security. He will be on his own when his parents pass, because we have our own family to worry about and he is a grown man who has been capable all his live, but just decided to be lazy. My husband and I will take is parents into our home when that time comes. But I refuse to support his brother for the rest of his life. You cannot convince her that she is doing wrong with this situation. And I would imagine your mother-in-law is the same way. GOOD LUCK TO YOU!

  3. tungi says:

    there is no easy way out of that – your mother-in-law no matter what you say and do will not give up supporting your brother – in – law – what I think you should do is go straight to him and try to get him to change his ways…

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